This is where one woman explores. She's embarking upon a journey of rediscovery (bear with me..). Learning to re-nourish the mind and body and find inner, ahem, peace...

"It's never too late to become what you might have been." George Eliot

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Wading In

At least I don't have to brood over what to write.  I can always write about food.  Funny, food has always been a somewhat taboo topic for me.  Large people (large people?  seriously?

Not surprisingly, I paid the price for starting this all up on a Sunday when there were a million of other things to do - prioritizing tasks has never been, well, a priority, and I doubt it ever will be much to my dismay.  If I want to accomplish things, I have to tell myself in the moment.  Get up.  Walk to the kitchen.  Clean it.  Now find the watering can...and water the plants...and on it goes...easily distracted, she is.    

Where was I?  Yes, paid the price.  I stayed up until after midnight preparing my lesson for Monday which I executed on that day quite pathetically; stifling yawns and (gasp) daydreaming.  

I have an incessant need to explain myself and justify my actions.  Can't be helped.  I'll try to do it quickly - I'm as big a skeptic as anyone.  I don't think on it much, and my opinions are informed by bits of literature on diet and nutrition  (literature: twitter, blogs, mags, and the occasional book or two),  but for once in a lifetime I'm going to trust my own self and not worry about what others think (what am I, in grade 2?) - so. there.   

This blog is not intended to self-hate myself into losing weight.  It's an experiment in trying to find balance in my mind and in my body.  I don't need a single soul to tell me that I need to lose weight.  My body is letting me know - it needs to find equilibrium.  My clothes are snug, my face is puffy, my nose has this little crinkle in it which only comes when weight starts piling up.   

I didn't even read the book, my husband did.  He started talking to me about it and I dismissed it entirely with a shrug - not another book. And the author has the nerve to use the word "belly" in the title! Another pointing finger, another false promise...However.  Yes, however.  Let me be clear.  My decisions are my own - they are informed by my education, my body, my soul.  However, there is something to it.  I'm not going to go into it here other than to say that wheat is bad, really, really bad, and giving up wheat is probably a very good idea - for everyone.  I have read entirely too much on the topic to trust myself to give an honest portrayal of how I have been feeling since giving up wheat (1 week).

  Wheat Belly is not really any type of diet program, and I find parts of what he says to be conflicting, but when I reflect about my own relationship with food I can see clearly that wheat is the culprit.  When I overeat, I am eating wheat.  I am not overeating protein - I'm not having too many chicken breasts or salmon fillets - I'm having too much of the bad stuff.  And the bad stuff all contains wheat.  Worse than that, I'm choosing (was choosing) to eat wheat.  I would choose toast and tuna instead of a salad with tuna and seeds and nuts - wheat came first.   The irony is/was that I am health food obsessed.  I buy as much organic produce as I possibly can - I buy healthy oils and high quality meat - I shop at the market and always try to buy locally grown food.  But.  I love rice and noodles, and occasionally bread and subs - pizza of course.  We've been eating coconut oil, kale, salmon, and eggs, and all of the good stuff forever, but we've never given them the chance to shine - we watered them down with whole grains and wheat.  While I agree with the author's assertion that wheat's evil, I more or less just want to thank him for pointing it out to me.  

So, I'm going to give up wheat completely.  I admit, this change has me all worked up - am I desperately looking for the next thing?  Am I addicted to false hope?  Time will tell and it doesn't really matter anyway - it doesn't really matter.  It's an experiment and I've nothing at all to lose (yeah, yeah, I know).  As I write I hear dissenting voices in my mind. 

Just eat a balanced diet, that's all.  Moderation is the key.  You don't have to give anything up.  

We all have our stories - we hold on to our stories and are extremely protective of them.  Mine's changing and I find it hilarious and utterly joyous.  

Yesterday was a workday.  

fair-trade organic coffee, 2 free range organic scrambled eggs with kale and feta cheese

ORGANIC: mixed greens, pecans, pumpkin seeds, feta cheese, baby tomatoes with the juice of a lemon and coconut oil 

organic and gluten free crackers (still high in carbs, but acceptable - will post name brand later) with Havarti cheese 
green tea 

roasted veggies (red onion, carrots, zucchini, asparagus) 
roasted organic, local chicken breasts (paid way too much) marinated in EVOO and balsamic 

organic and gluten free crackers (want to watch this...)
marble cheddar 
roboois tea

While I enjoy photographing my food (eccentric old lady), it's not always possible at rush hour around here.  

Okay, now I must go and eat lunch.  And then I must get some work done.  But thanks, eh?  Do come back.  

No comments:

Post a Comment